When asked about their preferences for living arrangements, it is no
surprise that most of our parents, grandparents and other elderly
loved ones, would prefer to stay in their own homes. Actually, with
a little help, most of them can do so. If this is true of your aging
parents or other loved ones, you may then be faced with making this
a viable option. Bringing in outside assistance, is not always
something that seniors are willing to accept, despite the fact it is
obviously needed. It can be viewed as a threat to their
independence, an evasion of privacy or a disruption of their usual
routine.
A little extra help in the home can
actually preserve their independence, by simply
allowing them to remain in their home. If both parents
are still living sometimes the necessary approach is
to have a heart to heart talk with the parent who is
the most dependent. Discuss the fact that the spouse
may need some extra assistance. However, if you, as
the son or daughter, are the primary caregiver for a
parent who lives alone or with you, the approach could
be that you are the one who requires the assistance.
In addition to caring for your parent, you may be
caring for your own family and household and also
holding down a job. You may literally be the one who
needs the help.
One way to initially get the outside
caregiver's foot in the door, would be to start with
minimum hours for household duties and NOT any
hands-on personal care. Another suggestion would be to
start out with a caregiver to run errands and
transport to doctor appointments. Assistance for
additional duties could then be added as the parent
starts to feel more comfortable with the caregiver.
Your hope will be that they will see the benefits of
having a new person in the home, as they become more
trusting of the caregiver. Always play down that the
dependent parent is the one with the need. They can
feel more independent by believing the help in the
home is actually to help their spouse or other family
members perform their duties. Hopefully, the eventual
outcome will be that they will be receptive to
assistance with more chores and even personal care, if
needed.
Another idea might be to enlist the
aid of a trusted friend or medical professional,
outside the family, to
suggest the outside help before
you broach the subject. In many families, the
suggestions of the son or daughter may cause conflict
due to the aspect of role reversal. Your parents took
care of you for many years, and sometimes it's hard to
accept that you now want to provide for them. The
basis of your actions should not be confused with
guilt. Therefore, do not take their rebuttals
personally or defensively, but instead focus on the
means to an end.
All reputable home care agencies will
have client care coordinators available to come out to
the home to discuss available services, without
pressure. This can be done alone with your parents or
with you and other family members present.
